#17 Lily vs. IQ Test

Prior Post:
#16 Lily vs. Shellfish

The puppy just got her score back from her IQ test.

The score was actually negative.

Is that possible???

The test graders also gave the Lily a "pointer". The puppy's test had, in red ink:

"Give up now, Lily..."

But, oh no, holmes! No. The Lily is not going to give up. She is going to make even Scarelett O'Hara look silly in her notgivingupness! Yee! Stupid IQ test graders!

What do they know anyway???
___________________________________________________________________

The Lily says, "Get Updates to the Blog!"

Other Posts:
#18 Lily vs. Absence
#19 Lily vs. Being All By Herself

#16 Lily vs. Shellfish

Prior Post:
#15 Lily vs. The Brazilian Rainforest & German Sausages

Holmes! Have you ever eaten shellfish?

Voice of Reason: Yes Lily, I’ve eaten shellfish before.

Have you ever, like, totally thought, that eating them, demoralizes them???

Voice of Reason: Man, you are “the most brainless puppy this side of Texas, Michigan & New Hampshire”. Why would it demoralize them?

The puppy was just thinking that if they’s keep getting eaten all the time that they’s must be getting depressed from it.

You know, that’s why they’s got that shell…They’s trying to block out the world that keeps muscling in on them. (Get it!?! “Muscling in”? Anyway…)

Voice of Reason: Wow…Lily, you’re stupid. You’re muscling in on my IQ right now. Go away…Go run at a slant somewhere…
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The Lily says, "Get Updates to the Blog!"

Other Posts:
#17 Lily vs. IQ Test
#18 Lily vs. Absence

#15 Lily vs. The Brazilian Rainforest & German Sausages

Prior Post:
#14 Lily vs. Her Storied Past

So, the puppy has been considering the Brazilian rainforest recently.

Voice of Reason: What about it Lily?

Uh, nothing much…I hear they got trees.

Voice of Reason: Oh…You know, they’ve got rain too?

Seriously? Like little droplets from the sky that hurdle to the earth and incessantly beat the puppy into submission until she cries for more Krispy Kreme? She really digs Krispy Kreme…

Voice of Reason: Uh, the very same.

Rain in the forest…oh, hey! Rainforest! OK, the puppy gets it…

Voice of Reason: I’m happy to hear that.

Say…Do Germany got trees? The puppy’s been considering that recently too. And they’s got those tasty German sausages! Do the Brazilian Rainforests have those tasty German sausages?

Voice of Reason: No, they’re German sausages. That’s why Germany has them…

(Pause)

Voice of Reason: Don’t say it…

So do the Brazilian rainforests have Brazilian sausages?

Voice of Reason: Couldn’t resist could you??? No, Lily, they don’t. You’re an idiot.

The puppy can never resist German sausages. They’s tasty. Maybe someday they’s could make a German sausage flavored Krispy Kreme!

Voice of Reason: (smacks own forehead in frustration). No, Lily…

They could…you know, if they’s want to…Work with the puppy here!

Oh, the brainlessness.

Bark, woof, etc.
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The Lily says, "Get Updates to the Blog!"

Other Posts:
#16 Lily vs. Shellfish
#17 Lily vs. IQ Test

#14 Lily vs. Her Storied Past

Prior Post:
#13 Lily vs. The Blogosphere

Are you really a dawg or an alter-ego?

Pedro

Thank you Pedro for the question. The puppy has a storied past. This was going to be a surprise, but the title gave it away...

Anyway...

Voice of Reason: Lily, let me get this one...The Lily once was a puppy. She was born on Easter (Easter Lily), but unfortunately she has passed away. A truck ended her life, as well as that of her mother's, one night long ago . Same truck, two dogs. For years she lived on only in the memory of her owner, but now, because of the blogosphere, her story will be told....This is the truth. OK, back to you Lily.

Thank you, holmes. The Lily thinks her storied past sounds like a great start to a movie!

As time went on for the Lily, her owner saw what she was and what she was to become. Add creativity and a little bit of goofiness and the Brainless Lily Puppy has emerged. Then the puppy needed some chronicles ('cuz that makes it sound cooler!). This is some truth and a lot of brainless fun!

And the fun is just beginning for the puppy! She got so much to tell the world. Things like how severe unintelligence causes the puppy to run at a slant. The Voice of Reason has told the Lily that that is technically impossible, but the puppy does it just to slap physics right in the unbelieving toe ('cuz she can't reach the face...)
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The Lily says, "Get Updates to the Blog!"

Other Posts:
#15 Lily vs. The Brazilian Rainforest & German Sausages
#16 Lily vs. Shellfish

#13 Lily vs. The Blogosphere

Prior Post:
#12 Lily vs. Krispy Kreme

AAAaaaahhhhh!

SO anyway, the Lily's freaked out. Ugh...

The puppy's been surfing this here blogosphere thingy and the Lily has found nothing but freaky and random people.

Voice of Reason: Lily, your freaky and random.

Shut up! The puppy is talking here...

Take for instance the salted fishy juggler who feels compelled to talk about his innermost feelings of rejection by his peers. Hello...the dude juggles fishys. Now, if he talks about his innermost need to eat the fishys then that would be something. Because food is tasty. Or, if he blogged about how stupid kitties are...

Voice of Reason: Then he would be like Lily.

Why do you need to be so mean to the puppy? Seriously. Bark, woof, etc.

Or what about the dudet who blogs about fighting Klingons just to protect her cheese supply. What an idiot.

Voice of Reason: Lily, wait, you did that. It's right here at this URL: #11 Lily vs. Klingons

Or what about the absolutely freaky and random individual who hangs a can of spam on her mantle at home after she viciously captured it in it's natural habitat?

Voice of Reason: Lily, that was you too: #10 Lily vs. Spam

And what about the sap---seriously these bloggers should be slapped, holmes---who posted a story about when they's was a secretary for Krispy Kreme and how they's the bane of the Krispy Kreme CEO's life?

Voice of Reason: #12 Lily vs. Krispy Kreme

Why you keep saying that and posting those funky blue, underlined website thingys?

Voice of Reason: Because I'm waiting for the little hamster in your head to starting spinning the wheel that serves as your only hope of the resemblance of a brain.

There's a hamster in the puppy's head? Aaaahhh! GET IT OUT!!! Help, holmes! Help!

Wait...I wonder if the Lily could blog about this???
___________________________________________________________________

The Lily says, "Get Updates to the Blog!"

Other Posts:
#14 Lily vs. Her Storied Past
#15 Lily vs. The Brazilian Rainforest & German Sausages

#12 Lily vs. Krispy Kreme

Prior Post:
#11 Lily vs. Klingons

Today the puppy is talking about Krispy Kreme. Did you know that the Lily asked to be named "Best Krispy Kreme Kustomer" ever? She singlehandedly ate 500 in one day once. They never agreed to let the puppy have that title though.

The puppy thinks it's because she keeps telling the CEO dude that "Krispy", "Kreme" & "Kustomer" all started with a "C" and not a "K". The Lily thinks that that fact keeps the CEO up at night. Just think about it.

The Voice of Reason: Lily, you don't have a brain to think about it. Why would you ask them to think about it?

Voice of Reason, you mess with the Lily sometimes....No, seriously, how many times a day do you think the CEO dude from Krispy Kreme gets asked that question?

OK, the puppy will confess!!!

Honestly, the puppy must confess something. She is the cause of the Krispy Kreme spelling debacle!!!

Yee, it's true! (Well, actually not because the puppy is make believe anyway...)

One day long ago, she was the secretary for the big head hauncho-pichu (that's also a city in South America...) Mr. Creme. She was eating a tasty donut (it was only her 30th that day) and some of the inner goop came out and splotched on the page she was writing on. Unfortunately for the company, the document was they's articles of incorporation and the goop made the "C"s look like "K"s. The puppy filed the document and the rest is history...like the puppy's job as the secretary.

The Voice of Reason: And now the CEO has nightmares every night of being chased by reporters asking him why the company's name is spelled with a "K". As he drifts off to sleep he no longer mutters his normal retort "it's a marketing ploy", but silently, honestly, whispers the bane of his existence: "Lily".
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The Lily says, "Get Updates to the Blog!"

Other Posts:
#13 Lily vs. The Blogosphere
#14 Lily vs. Her Storied Past

#11 Lily vs. Klingons

Prior Post:
#10 Lily vs. Spam

OK, so, Klingons freak the puppy out. And this is Lily's attempt at satirizing Klingons.

They's got their spaceships and they's got their funky heads...They's just downright scary to the puppy.

Strangely enough, though, Lily speaks the Klingon. Yee, she do...

The Voice of Reason: No, you don't

Sure, I do. It's like "grunt, grunt, aahh, phlegm, grunt, phlegm..."

The Voice of Reason: (smacks forehead)

OK, so the Lily's Klingon is rusty...

The Voice of Reason: Lily, your brain is rusty.

It is? I better get that checked out...Do they check for rust when they's doing oil changes? 'Cuz the puppy needs an oil change.

The Voice of Reason: (frustrated) Whatever...You can't speak Klingon. Oh, no Lily, look a Klingon!

Where, holmes, where?

The Voice of Reason: Right behind you! He's going for your supply of cheese!

He is? Oh NO HE DON'T!!! Freaky Klingon or not, ain't nobody taking the Lily's cheese supply!

(Sounds of a fight)

The Voice of Reason: So, sorry, blog reading audience. Lily is currently preoccupied. Please join us next time for another rousing rendition of Lily's life and her view of the world on The Chronicles of the Brainless Lily Puppy.
___________________________________________________________________

The Lily says, "Get Updates to the Blog!"

Other Posts:
#12 Lily vs. Krispy Kreme
#13 Lily vs. The Blogosphere

#10 Lily vs. Spam

Prior Post:
#9 Lily vs. Fatigue

Question: Lily do you like eating everything? Even Spam?

Steven, Arlington, Texas


Steve, the puppy eats everything, but the real question is does the puppy like it?

Well...does she? Punk?

Anyway, the Lily doesn't think you's a punk, Steve. You's probably a nice dude...so the puppy's just kiddin' with you.

The puppy loves eating spam! But only if it will sit still.

The puppy has a horrible time of trying to catch spam...especially in the wild. They's ferocious in the wild. The puppy was hunting the spam once and spotted some on a log...totally not suspecting the Lily. Then, this stupid bird came up and starting saying stuff like, "Hey, spam, do you see the Lily hunting you? I bet you don't". And the spam was all looking around all nervously like, "What? What do you mean a Lily puppy? I'm in the wild, I'm ferocious. Nothing challenges my supremacy here."

That was when the Lily struck.

That spam was tasty for the puppy!

Now, the front part of the can is mounted on the puppy's wall in the living room.
___________________________________________________________________

The Lily says, "Get Updates to the Blog!"

Other Posts:
#11 Lily vs. Klingons
#12 Lily vs. Krispy Kreme

#9 Lily vs. Fatigue

Prior Post:
#8 Lily vs. The Color Red

The Lily is tired today, holmes. She don't know why. She thinks maybe it's 'cuz she had too much caffeine and was up all night with those buggy little eyes. But, she's not quite sure...

Next time, she will not drink three of those "energy drinks". Her paws were shaking so bad, she couldn't see straight.

Do paws have anything to do with seeing straight you ask? Why of course they do...in the magical brainlessness of Lily.

Do you want more of this funky puppy world? Then subscribe to the blog!

And buy an energy drink. Tell them Lily sent you and that you should buy one for the puppy.
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The Lily says, "Get Updates to the Blog!"

Other Posts:
#10 Lily vs. Spam
#11 Lily vs. Klingons

#8 Lily vs. The Color Red

Prior Post:
#7 Lily vs. Telemarketers

'Sup. This is the Lily again. You know, the puppy that encapsulates brainlessness...

Anyway, today the Lily is versus the color red. Why? Because that's random and the puppy is random. She's about as random as the---look out flying squirrel!!! They's uppity this time of year.

See, as random as that!

The Lily has even been known to be random on purpose. Like when she goes to a department store and she sees these cute little shoes and she's like "oh, I hope these fit my paws". I shall purchase these....

Voice of Reason: Lily!!!

What?

Voice of Reason: You said you were random on "purpose" not "purchase"

Sorry, holmes. Lame joke from the puppy. She's hilarious if she say so herself. Why ain't you laughin'? Geez, fine...Her bad. I did like those cute little shoes though...

Voice of Reason: Lily!!!

OK, don't bust a toe. Anyway, "randomness is next to brainlessness" I always say, and since the puppy is random, it makes sense that she brainless, right? But is she British?

Voice of Reason: What?

Sorry, more randomness.

Voice of Reason: Lily, hold on a second!

What?

Voice of Reason: I thought this post was about the color red?

Oh yee, the puppy forgot...Wait! Red is Britain's favorite color! Maybe the Lily ain't so random anymore...She's starting to make sense.

Voice of Reason: And I need a vacation...

In Britain?

Voice of Reason: Lily!!!
___________________________________________________________________

The Lily says, "Get Updates to the Blog!"

Other Posts:
#9 Lily vs. Fatigue
#10 Lily vs. Spam

#7 Lily vs. Telemarketers

Prior Post:
#6 Lily vs. Global Warming

Voice of Reason: So why don't telemarketers like you Lily?

Well, the puppy don't know. They call up and I say "This is the Lily". And they say "the who"? And I'm like, "I love that band"!

And they's like "What"?

And I'm like "Huh"?

And they's like "What"?

And I'm all, "What do you want, please?" (The puppy is very polite....)

Then, they tell me they's selling something. And I'm like "Is you selling food?" They's normally like "No, we's selling insurance". And I'm like, "Dude, holmes, the puppy needs insurance. Do you got brainlessness insurance? The puppy needs that."

Voice of Reason: And what do they say to that?

Normally, there's this awkward silence...and then, I hear them crying on the other end. And, then, I'm like "Is you OK?" That's normally when they say something like, "Lily, you's so stupid. I can't take it anymore. I'm quiting my job, holmes." (Only they don't normally say "holmes" to the puppy.)

What was funny, was one day somebody gave the puppy a medal "for her achievements". I said, "What's this thingy for? Can I eat it?" They said "NO, Lily! That's a medal for getting rid of the most telemarketers in the history of history." Apparently, they like it when the puppy talks to those telemarketers on the phone. I don't know why they cry so much though...I really do need brainlessness insurance. Like what if my stupidity accidentally rips a whole in the space/time continuum?

Voice of Reason: Lily, you're an idiot...

I just wished I could have eaten that medal though. It was gold. I wonder if it was granny apple flavored...
___________________________________________________________________

The Lily says, "Get Updates to the Blog!"

Other Posts:
#8 Lily vs. The Color Red
#9 Lily vs. Fatigue

#6 Lily vs. Global Warming

Prior Post:
#5 Lily vs. The Presidential Election

Lily puppy tackles the major stories in the world in this blog entry.

We's talkin' global warming, holmes!

Bark, woof, etc. (That's what the Lily says when she's being emphatic. Yee!)

Anyway,

The puppy don't want to admit it, but she's causing the global warming!

You, see the Lily eat lots of food, you know what the puppy's sayin'? Oh, yee! Just talkin' about it makes the Lily hungry...

Anyway, 'cuz she eats so much, she of course got the flatulence. And this ain't your grandmother's flatulence.

This is the Flatulence of Fury! She burned a hole in the ozone, holmes!

She's sorry, but, you know, the puppy likes the food. So.......buy stock in refrigerators.

Bark, woof, etc.
___________________________________________________________________

The Lily says, "Get Updates to the Blog!"

Other Posts:
#7 Lily vs. Telemarketers
#8 Lily vs. The Color Red

#5 Lily vs. The Presidential Election

Prior Post:
#4 Lily vs. Weight Problems

Voice of Reason: Lily, who do you favor for the Presidential election? Obama, Clinton, McCain?

The puppy definitely believes that we should have a President. I think it would be spiffy. They should like totally elect a President.

Voice of Reason: Uh, Lily, yes, we should elect a President. Which one would you vote for?

The Lily would vote for...uh...whoever could give her the most food.

Voice of Reason: What?

Oh, yee. Food is tasty.

Voice of Reason: That's great Lily, but shouldn't you be more specific about your criteria?

Ooohhh....You's using big words now, holmes. You's right. The puppy should be more specifical. She thinks whoever could give her the most cheese should win. That's more specifical and cheese is very tasty and whoever could do that would get my vote, holmes.

Voice of Reason: Lily, you're an idiot...

Prove it!

Voice of Reason: What?

Prove it!

Voice of Reason: I don't have to. It's blatantly obvious.

Hey! The only thing blatantly obvious, holmes, is that the Lily needs a food supply!

Voice of Reason: And a brain...
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The Lily says, "Get Updates to the Blog!"

Other Posts:
#6 Lily vs. Global Warming
#7 Lily vs. Telemarketers

#4 Lily vs. Weight Problems

Prior Post:
#3 Lily vs. Kitties

The puppy really wouldn't call the puppy's weight a problem.

OK, so she rivals the weight of most skyscrapers.

Some would call her fat. Some would say blubberous. The puppy personally would say a little over the weight limit of most truck scales at the landfill.

OK, so she's fat.

It's 'cuz she loves the food, holmes. The Lily puppy loves the tastiness that is tasty food. I like to eat the stuff like there is no tomorrow, yesterday or today. Totally, holmes. Hence, my weight problem...I mean not problem, I mean...oh, the puppy is confused...

wimpers

Brainless and stupid and fat---all at the same time.

Oh, wail! The puppy is in blubberish anguish. Who will save the puppy from this---hey, is that cheese? The puppy loves the cheese. That's tastiness. Is you gonna eat all that cheese or can the Lily have some...

Hey! Don't run away with that cheese! Lily may have weight, but she ain't gonna wait for that cheese.

I said come back! Hey! Is you gonna eat all that?

Sorry, lucky people who read the Lily's blog, but she's got go chase down the dude with the cheese...
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The Lily says, "Get Updates to the Blog!"

Other Posts:
#5 Lily vs. The Presidential Election
#6 Lily vs. Global Warming

#3 Lily vs. Kitties

Prior Post:
#2 Lily vs. Question from Lyle

Kitties mess with the puppy. Why? Because they think they's the best thing since sliced food.

I'm serious.

Have you ever noticed that whenever kitties fall off of things they's always landing on their feets?

What happens when the Lily falls off of something high and makes incredibly velocitated falls towards the pavement? She lands on her head!

Kitty falls---lands on feet.

Puppy falls---flat on face.

Oh, the pain...Lily can hardly stand it.

That's why the puppy has come up with a plan. Whenever she falls off stuff, she will not fall on her head.

Voice of Reason: Lily, wouldn't that mean that you would have to defy gravity herself?

Well, you know, gravity's mean anyway...So I think defying her is OK.

Voice of Reason: Do you think anything that is mean deserves to defied? Furthermore, can gravity be defied so easily on a whim?

Whim? O' yee, I knew him once. We was in 'Nam together. Miguel too. (More on that later.) So, anyway, STOP CONFUSING THE PUPPY. I think we should all rise up and throw off the power of the meanie head, gravity. Because the puppy said so...and she's mean to the puppy...and I hate kitties...

Voice of Reason: You are truly brainless, Lily.

Thank you...I work out...
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The Lily says, "Get Updates to the Blog!"

Other Posts:
#4 Lily vs. Weight Problems
#5 Lily vs. The Presidential Election

#2 Lily vs. Question from Lyle

Prior Post:
#1 The Brainlessness Begins

Question: Lily why are you so incredibly brainless?

Lyle, Danbury, Connecticutt

Well, Lyle I'm glad you asked. Actually, the puppy is morally dejected and about to fall apart all over the place! Why do you focus on the brainlessness? Isn't the cuteness that is the Lily Puppy enough for you???

Apparently, not...

Since you just want to know so much...I'm not going to tell you. So, there.

Voice of Reason: Lily, Lyle is asking a harmless question. Why do you...

Lily wimpers

Like fall comes after winter, Lily's brainlessness just is, holmes.

Voice of Reason: Lily, fall comes first and then winter.

More wimpering...

I thought...

Voice of Reason: You're an idiot, Lily.

Fall comes after winter.

Voice of Reason: No it doesn't.

It could though...you know...it could though. wimpers...

Voice of Reason: I think we've heard enough, Lyle. Like winter is sure to follow fall, Lily's brainlessness just is and we will all unfortunately have to get used to it. Thank you for asking, Lyle. Good day.
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The Lily says, "Get Updates to the Blog!"

Other Posts:
#3 Lily vs. Kitties
#4 Lily vs. Weight Problems

#1 The Brainlessness Begins

So, let me introduce myself 'n stuff. My name is Lily and I am a puppy. You may be asking yourself, "why would a puppy doggy baby named Lily be writing a blog?" Get used to it, holmes because this puppy is wild, crazy, brainless and tends to be literarely inclined. Yee (That's means "Yes" to those of you not used to the puppy's way of speakin').

Anyway...

I am the puppy that encapsulates brainlessness.

And I will be telling you about my life as a puppy, my weight problems, my view of evil kitties & my time in 'Nam---that's Vietnam for those of you who don't know your history. You cheesewheels....

Anyway, you can come to this blog every day and learn about the awesomeness that is the Lily Puppy or you can subscribe to the blog.

I said subscribe to the blog!

Or don't...see if the puppy cares. She don't. Yee, whatever...
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The Lily says, "Get Updates to the Blog!"

Other Posts:
#2 Lily vs. Question from Lyle
#3 Lily vs. Kitties